Mention carrot cake at my house and someone will inevitably recall ‘the carrot cake incident.’ One year for my birthday, my husband came home with a grocery store carrot cake. In my mind, carrot cake was definitely not for birthdays, and his bringing it home showed a lack of understanding of proper birthday etiquette at best and a dismally inadequate knowledge of me at worst. (I am aware this incident does not paint me in the best light-it would have been best for me to graciously accept whatever offering he brought in the spirit it was intended, of course.) For many years I pondered why I was so bothered by that admittedly small issue. I understand now that what really hurt was that, to me, bringing home a cake that was not even on my top 10 list of favorite cakes (no disrespect for carrot cake intended) on a day meant to celebrate me demonstrated that I was not really seen or known or understood by someone I felt really should know me better.
There is a need in all of us to be deeply seen and known; to have someone recognize our worth as a human being and to understand what makes us who we are. Mostly, I think, we want that understanding to lead to love of some kind. I like how Timothy Keller said it: “To be loved but not known is comforting, but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. To be fully known and truly loved is…a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything” (in The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God). The thought that God both fully knows us and truly loves us is both breathtaking and a bit incomprehensible! We are known and loved even in our imperfection, our weakness, our incompleteness. Paul promises us that we will, someday, be able to know fully like God does-both ourselves and others: ‘…then shall I know even as also I am known.’ (1 Cor 13:12) Carrot cake reminds me to try to be better at really seeing people to understand them and to try to let people really see me-a vulnerable, scary prospect sometimes! I can rest, for now, in the knowledge that there is One who sees me as deeply as can be; One who knows all of the little parts that make me, me; One who loves both that which I am and that which I am becoming.
On the other side of that coin is the invitation to know God. If we want Him to truly see us to deeply know us, shouldn’t we give Him the same effort? When the Savior says, ‘And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent,’ (John 17:3) I think He is talking about coming to know Him as we are known-deeply and profoundly and truly-not merely as an intellectual exercise or as a surface-skimming curiosity. We need to seek a correct understanding of His character and His interactions with people to understand His nature, His motivation and His work with us. We seek to learn who He is by doing what He does. Knowing someone that profoundly takes time and consistent, dedicated, undistracted effort. It takes patience and love, and in the case of our limited mortal minds coming to know His unlimited, eternal nature, it will take an endowment of His power and Spirit to even have a glimpse of all He is. In the effort, however, we come to see more and know more-about both Him and ourselves-which, we find, has been His purpose for us all along.
