When my first daughter was born we went to a restaurant with some family who came to see her. An older couple there, strangers to us, admired her and then said something to the effect of, “I can’t believe you’d bring a child into this world now!” (Just so you know, that’s a TERRIBLE thing to say to a new mother!) I was stunned and a little speechless at this remark, but pondered it in my heart for some time. I assume their opinion was formed by fear rather than by faith and have since that time (acting on my faith rather than any fear I might have) brought 4 more spirits into this world to make it a better place. Each of these precious children has brought tremendous growth and joy into my life, has given me purpose, and has provided countless opportunities for learning, teaching and stretching. There is nothing better I have ever done with my life than mothering them.
I have now in the last month or so, sent another two of them off into the world (in addition to two I have already done this with.) Leaving them or saying goodbye always feels like a bit of my heart is broken off and staying with them. It’s achingly painful, but it also feels right. I know they need to leave in order to grow and part of my purpose as a mother is to prepare them for this very time that hurts so much. But I do hope they feel, deep inside of them, that portion of my heart left with them; that my love and confidence and joy in who they are and how they are becoming fills their souls and eases their difficult times. I read a beautiful description of an idea of this in a fictional book where a mother visits her grown son, Charles:
“She gave Charles the kind of hug only a mother can give, in which part of her love passes into a person, truly and physically, a press of the body holding in its few seconds a history of tenderness that dates to the time when the two of you were one.”
(Charles Finch, in “The Vanishing Man”)
It’s a beautiful thing to think of a part of us living in others-giving strength and comfort and a sense of belonging as a very real expression of our relationship and unity. I know there are echoes of eternity in those feelings and that pull of love-desires for eternal connection to those we love on earth and to a Father and Mother in Heaven. In an even grander, more complete way, Their love and a portion of Their hearts live in us and encourage us with sure ties of that greatest love to remember, to reach and to return.
So I will rejoice in my mother heart, even as it is broken apart to send with my children, in emulation of the divine pattern set by Heavenly Parents who love even more fully than I do. I will trust in the fact that although we are separated, we are also connected—part of one other with a force and a draw that binds us together. After all, it is in so fully sharing our hearts and nurturing those ties that we learn what love like Theirs really is.
